Well where do you start? Amsterdam was a great trip because for the first time ever, most of us managed to attend this away match which in itself was fantastic!! We all travelled in separate groups, some via Germany, Belgium, England and some lucky ones like me straight from Glasgow!

I travelled with a Kilmaurs foot soldier called Croc who tons of you all know. We were both meant to be going by ferry but Croc had the dirty done on him by a former business partner and an Austrian millionaire (allegedly) I don’t mean that Croc allegedly was dropped from a great height into the smelly stuff by a former friend, that actually happened, I’m referring to the Austrian fella’s credentials!!

Anyway when our plans had been thrown into disarray we decided to book up with the boys from passport travel who flew us straight from Glasgow to Amsterdam, the only way to do it in my opinion!!

On arrival at Schipol Airport we set about getting the train into Amsterdam Centraal to find our digs, the magnificently named Durty Nelly’s in the heart of the Red Light District (More on that place later!!) After some searching we found Nelly’s and on arrival found various members of the Paisley Tartan Army taking advantage of the many drinks on-hand and at a fiver a throw it wasn’t going to be cheap!!

Once we got our stuff up to our room and thanked our Sherpa guide for his assistance (see stairs!!) We set about painting the town red, no pun intended, all right maybe a wee one. The weather wasn’t being kind to us so we decided just to pub it for the night.

Amsterdam was unbelievably expensive and a good Paisley lad like me was gob smacked come the morning when he discovered that he’d spent a £170 on a night out and didn’t even get his Nat King!! Well if I did I don’t remember and wee Davy didn’t say anything in the morning so I’m assuming the money all went on grub and beer!!

We spent most of the night at the Red Light District as you’d expect prices here were even dearer but we found some great wee pubs to let our hair down and do what comes natural to the Tartan Army. Everyone we met seemed friendly enough and the bouncers were up for some good laughs which is always nice to see and we found a very pretty blonde barmaid who was high as a kite but still didn’t fancy any of us, still we got her to wear the Glengarry for babe of the month!!
The lads all together!!
Seemed like a cheap way to get to the square!!
We lost a few foot soldiers early on in the proceedings but we had been drinking since the wee small hours but a few brave ones went into the night and had a rare auld time. The lassies in the windae’s made a fair amount of money that night but obviously that was other lads we’re talking about, we’re all married and like to keep ourselves to ourselves, it was mainly sad ugly guys that were willing to part with their hard earned cash and if you’ve seen us you know we’re all lookers!!

We made our way back to Nelly’s where a party atmosphere was beginning to take shape and once the Paisley boys arrived with their own CD’s for the DJ to play, the party really started, the doorman actually asked the DJ not to play too many Scottish tunes in a row as we were getting too excited!!

Lot’s of dancing and lifting of friends onto shoulders ensued; Aldo’s still suffering from lifting me!! Got myself a new nickname after that which I’m not going to divulge but all I will say is that it was extremely cauld ok!!!

The night finally came to a close for most of us about half past two in the morning which was good going considering the early start; still don’t know how I made my way up those stairs and the top bunk without my Sherpa Guide!!
Gordon washin' Davy's face, mmmm!!
The Erotic Museum that we didn't go into.
Bright and breezy, surprisingly, up early for my shower, which was cauld!! And off downstairs for brekkie, incidentally if you fancied a wee wash during the day Gordon was always available to clean your face for you!! Brekkie was like our showers, cauld!! All the boiled eggs you could eat and some smoked ham, if you wanted toast you had to make it yourself!! All this for £500 pound a night for two rooms, I kid you not!!

Anyway, it took a wee while for the troops to assemble but it wasn’t long before we set off for the Dam Square although we got sidelined for a few hours when we found out the pub next door was selling Becks for four quid for two, none of us liked Becks but that wasn’t going to stop us drinking this alcoholic bargain!! We bumped into Louise and her chums from the Tartan Totty brigade which was nice, always makes us look good when a few lassies sit wae us!!

After much merriment and lots of Becks we headed for the square, but first, the off sales!! It would seem that the particular store we had chosen had been visited by a few of our ilk earlier on in the day and it left the shelves resembling the lassies from the Red Light District, hardly anything on them!! However, we managed to scavenge some Heineken and vodka and made our way to the square to annoy Batman!!
Jim and Andy
The two D's!!
Amsterdam Square has some living statues who will pose for a photo for some cash and everyone was up for a laugh except Batman. Batman to put it mildly, threw a strop, went in the huff, kicked his toys oot the pram, got his leather knickers in a twist and let the whole world of super heroes down, in short Batman was a knob, a man who wanted to burst a child’s inflatable ball because he was in a huff, cue much singing of songs concerning Batman being a self abuser and being nothing without Robin!!

We had a great time at the Square, met some old friends and made some new ones, only black spot for me was the mess the Tartan Army left the Square in, we put our empties in bags and boxes, wasn’t hard to do, however everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and the mood was always one of high spirits and no-one seemed to take offence except Batman!!
The stairs of death!!
Wee knobby pops oot!!
Off to the game and what a stadium!! Took us forty five minutes to get in though which was a shambles, didn’t see the Dutch having to queue like we did, however we got in and took our seats and marvelled at this fine home of Dutch football, it’s everything Hampden should have been but sadly will never be.

Even the most optimistic among us would have seen a draw as a great result unfortunately I think George Burley and the team thought they were going to get beat and it seemed to me that they just wanted to prevent a thrashing!! I’ve never been so disappointed by a Scotland performance, only my opinion but I thought they bottled it big time!!

The mood was not very jovial leaving the stadium but when we got to the train station and found the opposite platform filled with foot soldiers we decided to have a sing off, absolutely great memory, one of the few that I’ll remember for years about this trip, I’ve been on better trips but the fact that all the lads managed to make this one will make it stand out among the many we’ve been on in the past, it was all over too soon and now we look forward to Norway.
Memories of Paris.
Ready to paaartyyy!!!
On the whole, my impressions of Holland were mixed, very expensive, some of the people were arrogant and aloof and most of the good memories I have are of the lads and all the shenanigans that go on when we get together, as for the match, I suppose 3-0 was better than the last time when we got humped 6-0, by my reckoning the next time we meet will be a 0-0 draw and then we’ll hump them 3-0, cannae wait for that!! So it’s tot ziens to the Dutch for another wee while until our showdown at Hampden!!
Young Louise pops in for a grope, I mean a drink!!
The lads in fine fettle.
The Bouncers from the Live Sex Place that we didn't go into!!
There's a Croc among us lads!!
Getting ready at the Square.
A French Lassie who wisnae Dutch wearin' a Scotland tap???
The Square filling up.
The Tartan Army young brigade!!
Well worth the watching these three!!
Ootside the stadium.
Crackin' place!!
The lads are optimistic!!
Who you talkin' tae ya fud!!
The Oranje!!
We don't care!!
See you next time guys!!
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